Looking back at my blog it would be very easy to be confused as it pro-ports to be about movement and being on the move and so progress, whilst it is clear I haven't really made so very much. I am not, for example, now running sub-4hr marathons, or buzzing a near London marathon good for age PB. There are cataloged here a number of failed rounds of trying to get 'fit' and pretty much failing at every attempt.
Reflecting on this apparent lack of progress there would appear to be a number of psychological conclusions that could be drawn - for example, sharing a goal taking the place of achieving it, as mentally I have perhaps felt rewarded simply for the process of typing a few posts and putting them 'out there'. Whatever truly is behind it is of course more tricky to define, as most often halts to progress stem from life, or work, or luck, or some such. What is true to say looking at this series of boom and bust endeavours is that the cycles are too short and too sharp, moreover they have settled into swinging around a constant average. Not an average happily that is moving in the wrong direction of unhealthy weight gain (or any other negative indicator), but it certainly isn't moving in the 'right' direction either.
It is fair enough that at the moment most of my times over most distances are still what they were 10 years ago in the face of an ageing chassis (in of itself I suppose a decent outcome of sorts). There is that feeling in me that somewhere the opportunity to run better times was wasted by bad habits and / or poor goal choice.
Am I lamenting and wallowing in self-pity? Well absolutely "yes", but in that lament some truths have become very very clear. The chief amongst these laments being the lack of consistency - the constant cycle swings of flirting with improvement and flirting with my old grossly overweight self. It is perhaps consistency that most people struggle with, we would surely all love to make progress in smooth linear progressions towards fitness goals.