Updates and nascent plans

Updating my list of events completed reminded me that there has been a haitus in my running that was not simply due to the upheavels of the last couple of years of pandemic effects but started before that. This year is something of a return to running events (much though perhaps I signed up to too many), and a attempted return to challenging myself to improve areas of my preparation for and participation in events. I have taken some old approaches to this and some new ones too, and happily for the moment things seem to be going in a good direction for me. Yes, I am managing niggles like the calf I had a small pull in warming up for a 20 mile race (a race that then didn't happen of course), and coping with what seems like everyone telling me "you have reached that age you know, shouldn't you run shorter events?". However, I plan to make the next 18 months a focused 18 months of better preparation to run and then see where I can get to.

To say I have plans for next year would be to mirror just about every runner looking to the horizon of better runs and races, but I am hoping to finally turn experience into wiser and more productive running (but not necessarily shorter running 😋).

Where I am - re-starting from a low baseline, and pulling out of events

 It it safe to say that I have been here before and no the way, but also that I know how long the journey is and how tough it will be to get to where I want to go. Two recent runs with the Pegasus Running club crew have shown me what I already knew in my heart about my current fitness level, and a recent trip to the GP surgery reminded me just how low I had let my fitness ebb. Recognising the problem is they say half the battle and I very definitely know that I have a battle ahead.

How bad is my fitness? Well lets just say that I am where I was before I started this blog, and am like then learning to run again. I have no dramatic injury, it is simply that I am simply unfit. I weigh too much for my physiology, and my body is labouring with exertion just now.

So, Brighton Marathon 2021 is a "no" from me unfortunately. This is a race that I really want to do but it will have to wait one more year, a year where I have a lot of work to do on myself (I am though happily signed up for next years race and will all being well have that option). For the time being I hope to ease back into running events with local series' and races.

The reason that I am pulling out of races and at a very low fitness ebb is multifactorial - so much so that it could really fall into the category of "well life got in the way" - between the pandemic, working from home, job insecurities, major family member ill health, other family issues, poor choices around food, and lack of recognition of my own health needs there is little wonder I am where I am.

As I said I know the road I want to travel and so lets go!

February and beyond... there is a marathon on the horizon and fundraising for Mind

Looking at the horizon through the month ahead and into the rest of the year I felt I had to put a bit more of a plan or at least some milestones to aim at into the calendar. So all being well I will do my first club run for Pegasus Running Club over the weekend of the 12th of February, and I have set up my deferred deferral for the Brighton marathon for the 12th of September - plus I've got a deferred  Wormshead 10k in October to keep me good and busy on the milestone side of things.

Fundraising for 2021...

So as the issues around the SARS-CoV-2 pandemic continue to impact us all in so many different ways, I have decided to try and do a little bit to help support Mind, the mental health charity.

I am donating Christmas 2020, my birthday and my running efforts as I build slowly towards the 2021 Brighton marathon (which I have had to defer twice, once because of injury and once because of the pandemic - hopefully it will go ahead this year!).

If you are able and comfortable with doing so I would love it if you would lend a bit of support to a charity that assists in supporting the mental wellbeing of so many among us. 

My fundraising for Mind, is if you have followed my blog in the past via the justgiving.com platform, which is easy to use and super reliable. The page for this 'challenge' or the build up to the marathon is Andrew Hollins is fundraising for Mind (justgiving.com) 

Happy busy new year - where did January go?

It has been one of those starts to the year where you blink and wonder where all of the days have gone. I have been busy with lots of different things, but the main commitment that I have been trying to keep is moving every day to cover at least 5km. This was something that I started in mid-December when work finished for the year and I had the headroom and time to instigate some new habits with the intention of trying to make them stick through the festive period.

So how is it going? Pretty well... I have just finished @REDJanuary2021 where I moved myself everyday over 5km, 29 walks and 2 runs. I wold have liked to have run more but I listened to my body and allowed myself not to rush into arbitrary run every other day schedules that would have probably not worked for me just now. Wow, that sounds contrary I know but my body just isn't in a state where I could have run to that kind of schedule or volume (even a starters couch-to-5k volume).

In the end January was about watching what I ate and getting into the habit of being more active again... 10lbs (4.5kg) down over the month is testament to that working pretty well. There is a long way to go but it is a start, the goal is a long way down the road and I have the time to try and do this really well.

All in January was not too shabby at all, here's to a 2021 that turns out to ultimately be better than 2020 was.

A bit of a flavour of my month from my Strava feed:

RED day 31 - It is always a good run when you run into people you hadn’t planned to, and after a brief chat with Rhys it was onwards to another brief distanced chat with Julia and Ali (Pegs assemble!). The snow got heavier throughout the run, which was a bit... well, lovely actually. Granted the second half of the run I was running with the snow at my back which was much more pleasant than the opposite! The run had a bit of everything which was fabulous, and I even managed to resist the urge to go faster - always a bonus on only you second run in months.

#redjanuary2021 is done and I covered at least 5km every day - 29 days of walking with two runs thrown in. January was about changing habits and laying the groundwork ready for the foundations to be laid for a future marathon. January is not the end of that process but part of the beginning that started in December, going to try and keep the progress going at its own pace and we’ll see how much building happens along the way. This is a marathon not a sprint afterall.

The one with the pushed pace #RED2021day18 - There were moments on this walk where I could have comfortably broken into a run, yes I was doing that funny kind of walking where it looks like the teacher just told you not to run in the corridor. I have the sense that a run isn't too far away now, but I know that this particular run was powered by stress release and a 5km run would not have ended well.

Another day another RED 5km walk.... done.

The one in foul weather dodging fallen (Christmas) trees #RED2021day11 - Not a pleasant walk with the wind, cold, rain and all the now unwanted tree house guests left out on the street to fend for themselves. Couldn't walk this morning so it was a late one, which with the weather deteriorating all day was a bit of a kicker but it was what it was. 5km again on a regular route with a grumpy greyhound for company.

Last day of 2020, 12 days of Christmas #day7, and RED January 2021

It is the last day of 2020... and it would be easy to say good riddance and jump onto the bandwagon of trying to bundle up occurrences of the last 12 months as if the flip of the calendar to 2021 will remove all the bad stuff. Sadly life is not that simplistic, and much of the changes 2020 brought will hang around in one form or another for many more months / years to come. There is way too much that I could write about the SARS-Cov-2 pandemic but I simply don't have the will to commit it all to a blog post, especially on a blog called 'on the move' which is ostensibly about following my efforts to get and stay fit. There has been acres of text written else where about the pandemic and other major world events I couldn't begin to do them justice.

What has 2020 been for me? Firstly a year of little blogging (well lets face it hardly any blogging at all), it has been a year of little running, and it has been a year of hard work at work responding to the changes of working from home. It was a change that I made well, perhaps too well, as I let it remove some of the base (hidden) activity from my day - the commute, the walking for lunch, going to shops on the way home, walking between meeting venues.... most all of that took place within a handful of metres of each other - commute = walk to front room, lunch = walk to the kitchen, shopping = all done once a week or online, moving between meetings = shutting one browser tab and opening another one.

2020 became the year of YouTube, as I found that I watched more than ever - Peter McKinnon, Matti Haapoja, Becki and Chris, Casey Neistat, Rich Roll, the minimalists, Matt D'Avella, Kevin Stratvert, The Body Coach, Yoga with Ness, to name just a few (I am not listing links, just stick these into the search engine if you are curious, though most are hardly niche, and have large followings).... don't worry though I have consumed lots of cinematography, vlogging, and camera skills videos I know my limits and won't be going all 'YouTube' any time soon.

So 2021... for me it has to be about me regaining and moving towards fitness again, a sustainable fitness, a fitness to live my own life relatively well... I have gotten shockingly far away from that this year and need to recover. There is the kind of fit for life stuff of glossy multimedia and then there is just the plain being fit to live your life... and I am solidly aiming for and in need of the latter. I need to be able to move without pain and aches, lift without worry, walk without being winded, run a short distance without difficulty. Yes, this year I got there, to the place of such poor levels of activity that my base / basic fitness all but completely dissipated. 2021 thus has to be about genuinely getting moving. So that is where my walking 5km or more a day started some days back, as that first small step, and today's instalment was as follows (borrowed from my Strava feed)...

The one with all the kilometres - 12 days of Christmas #day7 ("seven swans a swimming" - well no not today, too icy!)

On the seventh day of Christmas my true sent to me... a bunch of stuff we needed from the shop. It was in no no no way a way to sneak a long walk this morning while everyone thought I was simply doing vital shopping.

It was lovely out, if tricky under foot with cheeky black ice in places. Loads of people out again, and sadly too many groups thinking they can out wit the biological fundamentals of viral transmission which was... well anyway let's not get sweary or rant about their selfishness (there's twitter for that, apparently).

Ended up being a magnificent 7km because when I looked at the distance it really did beg to be rounded up again... honest!

... and to keep things moving tomorrow we start RED January... "This January, the RED community will be challenging themselves to get active every day. Whether running, swimming, cycling or choosing a favourite fitness activity, REDers will be going the extra mile to support themselves and others. Their fitness and fundraising efforts combined with your generosity will help Sport in Mind reach and empower people to experience the life-changing benefits of physical activity."

Whatever you are doing have a happy and safe New Year's Eve 🤗

Days 5 and 6 of my Twelve Days of Christmas walking

The one with the sunshine and a sunny peg catchup - 12 days of Christmas #day5

Twas the gap between Christmas and New year and all were out a walking, a running, a cycling, a squelching merrily in stick mud. In other news I walked into another peg, Phil, and had a fab chat about all things lockdown, running, walking, Christmas and partners off chasing reindeer (or finding Comet anyway) 😁

It was great to run into a fellow Peg, Phil, for a quick (socially distanced) chat about the range of running motivation in lockdown and the peaks and troughs and coming and going of motivation through this difficult period. Notably he had found some new ways of training with the club and a handicap run series that had been set up. I realised that I had worked so much that I didn't really engage much with things like Facebook, the internet, and training on online with the running club... they just seem like a stretch too far too far for me with everything going on. I thought that it would be a poor substitute for real club nights, but clearly it had worked well for those that went for it.

Beautiful day for a stroll along a suggested route that I actually took a wrong turn on, nice was.... muddy! On day 5 of the 12 days there definitely weren't any gold rings to be found, five old things maybe... but another walk ticked off and another small step in the right direction

The one that just had to be rounded up to 6km - 12 days of Christmas #day6

Did the route that I was supposed to do yesterday, although to keep things really spicy I did it in the reverse direction... I know right? Proper daring stuff! It was busy out on the paths and tracks again this morning with good conditions for running (I mused as I walked!). Second day in a row I spotted two elite athletes zip by, always inspirational to notice their ease and grace of movement... I run just like them when I run - honest!

Spotted another (former) peg as I walked but recognised them too late to say "hello", and then realised that I would get home in that annoying distance of 5.6km and had to round it up to 6km by carrying on for a bit (as you do). Well it was the 6th day of the 12 days after all and 6km seemed fitting, and no 7km will not happen tomorrow before you ask.

Halfway through the 12days of christmas now and enjoying myself quite a bit.... which is nice!!

The out and back walk imagining I was running - 12 days of Christmas #day4

The one where I kept wondering how far I would have got to if I was running! There was a tiny cameo from fellow Pegasus runner, Julia, and I found myself wishing I was running so that I could have doubled back for a chat... although to be fair that would have been just as short lived as she is very quick 😊

This is now ten days of covering 5k plus on foot everyday, and while as an ambition it felt 'small' with it hardly being a training plan per se, it seems to have worked. Trying to 'do' 5k a day for a period has given me just enough push to get out and active with little risk of me feeling that it was not possible. Until now I haven't declared what I have been up to because I have noted the personal trend that if I explain an elaborate plan in a blog, instagram post, or tweet then it often fails - there is a name for the phenomena (which I forget).

Lovely day out and nice to get out and enjoy the morning... daydreaming of running. On the run front, I have a way to go yet, and will be c25k'ing when I get to that point. Like the start of a good marathon run I'm starting slow, and reminding myself if it feels slow it probably isn't slow enough for a strong finish!

In other news the Wormshead 10k that is the only event I have entered in 2021 (I forget where I am with my Brighton marathon deferred deferral), has been postponed from February to October. Given that I am miles from fit just now, I can only say that I am happy with the extra time to prepare, but I do feel for the organisers having to plan an event in these difficult times of SARS-Cov-2 uncertainty and disruption. Having said what I said about grand plans falling over I will though say that the Wormshead event is my 'a' goal for the year because it is just a plain fun, tough and well organised event.

Strolling, just strolling...

There are places to start and then there are places to start. After the realisation of just quite how bad my fitness is at the moment I have decided that it is just a case of getting moving again, and by moving for the moment I mean walking. For each of the last four days I have covered 5km (3.1miles) or more on foot, mostly with the dog for company, and with no targets in mind other than just getting some walks done. They say if it isn't recorded on Strava it never happened, so here they are on Strava (sort of)...

So the 19th of December I hope will be a turn around point from the routine that I had established for the last many weeks of sitting on a chair in our front room for the vast majority of the day and working without barely a stretch for hours and hours. I didn't consciously decide not to move, it just sort of snuck up on me, as getting on with work has been a brilliant way to try and ignore the madness in the world just now. There is so much wrong with just sitting, and I am fully aware of the potential consequences of so much inactivity, but it just felt better to get on with stuff as fast and as much as possible. I am feeling the consequences of my poor choices and hence I am trying to bring this thing back around to the simple tenet of this whole blog - me being "on the move". Movement is good for all forms of health and I just need to keep it simple and get moving.

Happily for me I think all I need do is re-connect with the Pegasus Running Club crew in a couple of weeks time and they will spur me along. They are fab and have already been asking after how I am getting on... running clubs much like any social grouping around an activity are just the best thing for community and shared wisdom.

From here, more walking, then perhaps its back to a blend of couch to 5k and / or the running form, elasticity and strength training of RunRx and /or club runs... to be honest I purposefully haven't chosen what comes after the walking as I really am determined to take this one step at a time (cliché not intended) to make this a proper change... so for now we walk! Which is nice!

Long walks and new tilt at the couch to 5k training app

Lockdown walking everyday

During the COVID-19 lockdown here in Wales we have been doing a one hour family walk as our one permissible exercise a day (before that was eased slightly to allow more exercise if needed). We have been very consistent with it and it has certainly paid off for the dog as we have covered more and more distance and more and more 'exciting' new routes. I only wish that the lockdown has done for my physique what it has done for the dag, she was badly ill just before the UK (belatedly) triggered the lockdown and so we've had the job of getting her back to fitness... she has done that and then some (she looks the doggie equivalent of ripped just now!).

All of this and the running below is being tracked by my Strava account, which for me has had something of a usage revival of late. Presumably Strava are one of those companies that have seen a positive impact upon business from the current pandemic situation.

Friday C25K week one run 1 - 3.39km 29:59

The one where he thought stuff this let's go!  I have been itching to over the few weeks but my foot (still rubbish) and the one exercise a day lockdown stopped me.

So I opted to restart the BBC backed C25K (this time with the DJ Jo Whiley narrating / coaching / coaxing), and so it seemed that I just had to go out and run. Having hooked up the wireless headphones and phone eventually and there was no other excuse really.  It was a gorgeous day for a run, and was only interrupted by me turning back to pick up a dropped card from inside my phone case, d'oh!  This time I'm making no comeback promises or goals, but run one get done!

Sunday - C25K week one run 2 -  3.71km

The one with the corrupted file (that I have had to delete) - this one was an interesting run where my GPS watch tried to tell the world that I had developed super powers and flown to southern Russia and back! The Strava track that I tried to upload and edit absolutely blew the calculations within my account to bits with records, times, and runs all going awry. So all I was left with was deleting it and entering a distance and time.

The actual run was quite different from the first and was more of a mental effort to complete, the new narration was helpful but I was aware that I was wrestling the instructions a bit. I think my body was also letting me know that this return to running though easy to imagine would be trickier to achieve. Still the GPS shenanigans afterwards made me laugh (in the end!).

Sunday - C25K week one run 3 - 34:51, 4.06 km

Had to delay the third instalment of my new couch-to-5k journey because of a foot injury caused by turning my ankle over during a family walk (!).  Basically I gave all of my ligaments in my ankle a nice wrench while on a gravel path, which was nice.

The eldest offspring (who has not gotten enough exercise, like most of us, during recent lockdown weeks - Joe Wicks has had his time in our house I'm afraid) said she was happy to come too and so we set out with me relaying the instructions from my headphones to her as we went.  She was very pleased with the 5 minute warm up and even more pleased to discover that my pace was considerably slower than she'd thought and that she could cruise along through the 60sec intervals.

We had good banter around the way and had to navigate a couple of unplanned turns thanks to the sunny weather bringing lots of people out onto the paths of the estate.  We were taking it in turns almost to spot a possible close pass and move us this way or that to make sure we were out of peoples way.  Think there were quite a few smiles from people recognising that a poor ole Dad was being shown how its done by a pre-teen.

By the end I think I may have found myself a c25k buddy, that I will believe that once we've done a few more (she is a pre-teen after all!?! hehe).  My foot seemed pretty well behaved although for some reason the pace was a bit quicker than I had originally planned.

RED January 2020 - day 2

RED January 2020 day 2 - starting afresh - second consecutive year of RED January

It was a long time ago now that I started running and that was walking and running around a local park until I felt that I could run constantly for longer and longer periods... and that is where I am today, learning to run again. I know how to run continuously as my mind and body retain the memory and can mimic how I used to run happily for some time, but because I am unfit and untrained it would not take many runs before I become broken in some way. So I am telling myself I am a beginner and starting at the beginning - where any good run should start. I am over the phase of being frustrated that I can't go out and run a 10k with relative comfort two or three times a week, and I have made peace with the fact that I weigh too much for my body to cope with running how I would like to.

@REDJanuaryUK 2020 is a fundraiser for MIND, the Mental Health Charity please do support them if you can. The link below take you to my fundraising page...

So this #REDJanuary is all about the process of (re)learning and enjoying the idea of being a new runner. I will walk a lot, I will simply stop if I need to, I will though keep going gradually and patiently. Too many Januarys have shown me that charging at the target like a crazed cartoon bull will only lead to me missing the red cape completely and flying into the anvil hidden behind. My goal is to do what I did years ago and just go out and learn and build incrementally. I have races bought and paid for, but I will simply go and have fun - and carefully forget that I have ever been a runner before.

Happy January peeps, take those resolutions slow and steady, and by next January you will be relieved at not having to make the same resolution again.  This text was first posted on my Strava feed "Andrew Hollins" (by me; with the details of my run session - of course), and then on my Instagram feed "andy_hollins" (with a picture - of course). 

So what happened that smashed a hole in my running year?

If I was to have drawn out my plan of the year it would look nothing like it has turned out. January began with a block of consistent running that was unprecedented in my lifetime, running everyday for 50 days blew away any previous 'streak'. From there I was really enjoying my running and thought that the year was going to be amazing in my running shoes, two marathons were coming next and I thought it was all systems go. Then, as if I haven't telegraphed it, the shoes fell off.

So whilst running a 20 mile race in March, my first one, I began to unravel. Sadly for me, it wasn't just hitting the wall it was race misjudgement, fitness misjudgement, psychological misjudgement and missed steps leaving the event behind. I'll get to each part in a moment but should first mention that the event itself was great, the organisation, support, course, and facilities were all en pointe... so what happened that smashed a hole in the rest of the year?

These four things were what left my running in tatters - firstly 'race judgement' - this was the simplest of the elements and not a unique one in any way... I went out too fast and gave myself a mammoth task in the second ten mile loop. I let, what my physio calls, happy legs run away with me, and although I wasn't far from my overall target time I ran the first half so quickly that the second half was always going to be a physical wrestling match. This played into the second component 'physical misjudgement' - running relatively shorter distances everyday for 50 days gave me a false impression of my base fitness. I had run longer sessions through that period but not with enough structure to give me the kind of long run endurance strength that I needed. Truth be told if I hadn't broken down over the twenty mile distance 26.2 would have undone me a whole lot more.

Fitness being an issue played into the third element 'psychological' - as I muscled my way through the second half pushing and cudgelling myself into getting it done I began to question myself, and question myself, and question myself. Before the end of the race I had verbally (and loudly) laid into myself for  being foolish enough to consider myself a runner... I took myself apart over my preparation, my physical condition, my belief that I was a runner, my lack of ability, my drawing down time from other areas of life to push along with misplaced goals,... it wasn't pretty, I wasn't kind, I wasn't logical, and trust me I used words that I wouldn't level at anyone else I've ever met or will ever meet. I pulled my stuff back together enough to cross the line trying to smile, but I had taken my sporting soul and popped it through a shredder. Suffice to say that I have yet to fully reconcile myself with that 5 minute self-flagellation.

Once over the line feeling mental numb and physically smashed I just wanted to get home, which meant I limped through the leisure centre it was based out of, collected a t-shirt, a drink, and then collapsed into the car to drive myself off to lunch as soon as I could. I didn't stretch, I didn't give myself time to sprawl out and relax my limbs, I crammed myself in the driving position and set off - the fourth element. On the way home I got stuck in traffic for 30 minutes and got back even more sore than when I'd crossed the finish line.

After that the marathons came and went without me bothering the start-line, the terrific physio4motion sorted me out with restorative stretches and exercises, but my running soul was cowering somewhere out of sight. I actually found for the first time in years that I didn't want to run, not that I admitted that to anyone. Running doesn't happen in isolation of course and there were huge things going on in my work life and the counselling room that added to the mess (other stories not for here).

So where am I now? Currently I am injured working through a round of plantar fasciitis which has evolved into some sort of a tendon issue in my right foot. I have run a 10k race with a friend which was amazing, and I'm not sure just what I am taking from the fact that I could go out and run in the middle of an injury, but that was likely an outcome of wanting to help someone complete their first ever 10k. Psychological I am still not "on it", but I am hoping that sorting out my foot will get me closer to running regularly again.

Balancing the balance

Every website, and their subscriber, on lifestyle / fitness will at some point start to describe how to can achieve balance. I, however, can't provide a definition of my own, or a formula, or a roadmap 10 point list, to achieving balance. I can however point out some observations from my experience that might, or indeed might not, illuminate a small corner of the subject.

The first and most important observation is to me an obvious one, and one that is often overlooked in the name of compelling content or salesperson-ship... we are all different. And with that said though we can put ourselves into associations or groups that can provide direction in how best to achieve some balance... the early risers, the late night work fiends, the long slow eaters, the grazing snackers, the all day I dreamers, the all day I doers. So the art of balance starts first in identifying, well, you. What is it that makes you move and gets you started? There is little point subscribing to a fitness regimen that expounds "get your workout done before breakfast!" if you have never ever functioned well before 11am. Similarly there is perhaps little point joining a club in the evenings if you get up before everyone else and have pretty much completed your day by mid-afternoon.

So behind my punchy little blogpost title is this message... in identifying a way of balancing your life look at systems, training groups, session timetables, meal plans, team sports, etc. that fit your own physical / psychological balance, your basic make-up. Going against your own innate tendencies will only make you unhappy with your efforts, much less likely to stick with them, and ultimately further out of balance than when you started.

One final caveat is to look at your balance over time and reassess now and then. I had a whole different balance and pattern to my days during my University degree than I do now as a working, married, father of two busy kids. Balance is fluid through life's path, but try to identify patterns in order to work with them rather than in opposition to them. I absolutely can not claim to have found a perfect Zen like balance (and frankly who but a full time Zen practitioner genuinely can), but I have found things that work for me over different periods of time.

Running slow... really slow

I have run a lot and I have hurt a lot this year, I started the year with some monumental ideas and a training plan that took an age to craft but then I got injured. And so goes the story for so many runners, and moreover so goes the story for me on a pretty regular basis (you won't have to click too far back in this blog for proof of that).

So 2016 sucked, it sucked real bad! No, I am not about to launch into how many idols died, or start on about geo-political shifts... it was for me at a fundamental level awful. I now weigh more than I have in years, so much so that my body is hurting from the burden, and any life / work / activity balance has gone up in smoke. Hence a New Year uber-plan that went so spectacularly wrong, and looking at it in the cool light of reflection I know exactly why - I did not go slow, so now I have to go really slow.

I started out on the plan as if I had been running decent miles already (which I hadn't), it presumed fitness would return overnight (which it didn't), it assumed that I would see issues coming and fix them before any damage was done (which I didn't). Seeing as I have read so many running books and magazines which explain frequently about returning to running, the importance of incremental adaptation, the crucial need to take accurate stock of where you are in life before you start a running program of any kind, you'd think I might have avoided this phenomenon? No!

Looking at my 'running' now I have to slow done, so much so, in fact I have to... walk. I am trying to steadily increase my very basic fitness, upping my day to day walking, stairs climbed, and better food volume choices. Happily I am enjoying walking and have taken several 'power' walks in the last week or so. The other part of this approach is not running fast, I have now completed two parkruns staying deliberately within zone 2 aerobic heart rate, reasoning that if I run fast this heavy I it won't be a case of if I get injured but when.

All of this means that this years late spring marathon will now be a stepping stone to 2018, when I hope to be firmly back on track with running and a whole lot of other things.

That wasn't meant to be a fartlek - and other worries about changes

I went out on Tuesday night for a run that was supposed to be another heart rate running experiment. 7.3km later and I completed what could best be called a fartlek run, with some hefty pace variations and not a stick of heart rate running (except for looking at it occasionally on my watch and cringing). Actually I enjoyed myself, and finished the session with a smile on my face. During the past run sit down and run watch upload I reflected that I have some hard thinking to do before the Cardiff half marathon.

Basically having made a foot placement switch off of my heels, and changing shoes for once and for all, I am firmly in an in-between state where I could happily run a 5k or 10k this way but have no idea how a 21k would look. I would like to run the distance and find out but I know that that way madness lies. Whereas I was not patient with the heart rate running this week I am going to have to be with my half marathon progress - only finding out if I can do it in low profile shoes, on my midfoot, running with a different running form on the actual day. I am more than a little bit scared of the challenge, as realistically I need at least another 12 months or more to work through the changes and make them a comfortable 'default' setting.

The event in 6 weeks or so is rapidly looking like an day out running rather than an attempt at any sort of time.

One down, around 28 to go

Run one of the plan was logged on Tuesday, it was a slow walk / run affair underscoring my current lack of fitness. I enjoyed it, I tried to focus on relaxed flow, and finishing in a state that would not generate a huge recovery burden. All in all I was quite pleased with my 5km, and I am now a little more up beat about the roughly 28 or so workouts / runs to come in the 10 week plan.

Another round the park run

I got myself out for a run last night even though it felt like I had so many other things to do that I shouldn't. It was a very necessary run as I have spent the entire week reflecting on the fact that I the most out of 'shape' I have been in years*. If I had not run the pattern of avoiding the problem might just have carried on festering. Much though I wanted to go out and run fast, hard and angry to tackle the stress with a physical blow out I managed to reign myself in and run with slow measured control - so I wouldn't spend the next few days a broken mess unable to train again (suffering heavy DOMS, sore feet, sore tendons and so on).

The run itself was short, 4.6 km, and in the end pretty sweet. My head was all over the place attention wise but weirdly my body found a good groove in spite of myself. The weather was cooler, as we've been having some over due rain (yep, even in Wales rain can be overdue!), so it was really comfortable to run in. Running was kept to the path, and not the grass, thanks to the fact the uppers on my trainers are a loose weave teabag fabric that says "hey water come on in lets party!!". Fears that my feet would not thank me for running on the hard stuff were unfounded (or at least have been so far - I can walk this morning).

Sticking to MAF-like (see my post from earlier in the week) pace is definitely the way forwards until I can crack my recent unfit habits. It is ultimately fabulous to finish a run session and feel like your body could easily go again - even if time pressures might not let you. This morning, for example, there is a small chance I might even get out for a run again :-)

Ps. seems I am once again chasing the title of "best blogpost title of the year" - I will let you know how I get on in the voting!?!?

* my trousers are too tight, my t-shirts and shirts are 'fitting' in ways that leave me very self-conscious, my waist is doing its very very best impression of middle-aged spread, the stairs in work are not a comfortable climb, my body fat percentage is a number heading in the wrong direction - reasons to find the time to run I think most would agree.

Target180 - my new personal challenge

Having turned over most of the bad habits of the last few months and reset myself pretty well I started to look at goals / challenges. I wanted something to hang my efforts, on a little phrase (a mantra if you like those sorts of things), a short memory aid, something to keep in mind during a long run or tough session. I mulled over all sorts of stuff numbers came up quite a lot, goal times, numbers of events run, that sort of thing.

Eventually, I settled on 180 - the 'logic' being I should be able to turn around my running form in about 6 months (a sensibly long time I reasoned), and at the end get a personal best in some event or distance or another. Probably targeting the autumn Cardiff Half marathon, though not definitively as I'm leaving it open so that the chosen event doesn't consume all of my thinking - I want this to be about process and all around signs of improvement. So, 6 months is sort of 180 days taking 30 days in a month... then the number resonated and caught my imagination - 180 degrees, an about turn, a complete change of direction. An about face on the slide in fitness, activity, and body weight since the New Year.

So to set some benchmarks and give a feeling of the scale of this process and progress towards my Target180...

• I just ran my slowest half-marathon, 2:13:44 (Cardiff World Championships half-marathon, 26th March)
• This weekend just gone I ran my third slowest timed 5K, 28.08 (Cardiff parkrun, 23rd April)
• I was at my heaviest in over 5 years, at 15st 9lbs (99.3kg), on the 13th of April

The early signs are good, I've dropped 8lbs, my trousers which were getting uncomfortably tight are fitting better, my running feels less of an effort than it has for weeks, and I am generally finding lots of small ways to increase my movement. Motivation at the moment is very high and a little like the early progress needs some careful looking after. In fact the biggest challenge in any journey like this is to manage your expectations and cultivate your patience. It is far to easy to rush at the target and forget that there is a timeframe. Despite immediate look of all those before and after pictures that flood the health and wellness social media (and mainstream media) there are always large gaps in time hidden between the two photo - unless they are faked of course, as many reportedly are.

My Target180 is a journey and it has started, it didn't have a hard start date and won't have a hard finish date, after roughly 6 months the aim is to have made that turnaround and be travelling towards better fitness.

Our adventures at junior parkrun

Volunteering at junior parkrun* is just the best thing I have done in running (well not actually physically running, but you know what I mean) this year. Each Sunday morning the family get ourselves over to the second nearest junior parkrun to us because the start time means we simply have enough time to get there and because it is in the grounds of a National Trust property (Tredegar House, Newport). The location is great, the team are super friendly, the course is nicely contained, the Brewhouse tearoom (and shop) is fabulous after each event - the kids have a minor hot chocolate addiction growing because of it, and the adults likewise a cake addiction.

Keen runners at the startline

Volunteering was a revelation for me, not because I haven't volunteered for things in the past but because of the huge buzz I get seeing the kids run with such freedom and joy shining out of their faces (most of the time) . The weather plays a role each week, and quite apart from the ever changing cast of characters, sets up each run in a slightly different tone. Be that the joy the children get jumping in muddy puddles, the smiles of parents when the sun is out, the stoicism of the volunteers when its windy. There is always something that reminds you of the best sort of human kindnesses and joys in the simply free fun 2k run.

Finish tokens ready to hand out

Junior parkrun has athletic royalty as a figure head, Chrissie Wellington (multiple Ironman distance World champ) who has as her twitter handle @ChrissieSmiles - something apparently she was famed for during her competitions. That is actually, for me, junior parkrun in a nutshell, the secret to the whole thing, smiles - most of the time everyone just smiles.

Our kids have a ball, chase friends, ask for their times, enjoy the hot chocolate (!), and hopefully most of all are learning that sports, sports event and sports participation are something for life and something for smiling about. I certainly feel awful on weeks we can't make it as I miss the buzz, but moreover those weeks we can't go the kids get upset too :-)

The family all in after a rainy Winter run

In a week where events in the UK parkrun world have been shaped by people who perhaps don't fully appreciate all that parkrun is, or all the it gives to a community and try to draw money out of it, I thank my lucky stars that we have something as elegantly brilliant and accessible on our door step. I could write simply pages about my thoughts on the Little Stoke parkrun situation, but instead I will simply enjoy the buzz from yesterdays junior parkrun in Newport and hope that a happy settlement will allow others to continue to enjoy the same free from imposed costs parkrun joy.

* junior parkrun events are run over a 2 km course for juniors only between the ages of 4 to 14 years old.

Starting with the inside work - Headspace

A footnote was added on the 17-04-2016.

I have a future event that I mentioned in my last post, the autumn 2016 Cardiff University Cardiff Half marathon, is now definitely my fitness 'target'. Over the last days my thoughts and feelings around getting back to where I was (lighter, stronger, faster around 13.1miles of running), have really crystallised bringing with it a sense of growing purpose. It is easy to suggest that I might be putting all my eggs in the one basket ,but a clear the distant enough goal works for me and I will be aware not to over endow the half marathon as the 'be all, end all' of my focus.

So I have a point on the horizon, and again there was somewhere else to start from my last post - the realisation of nutrition issues. Here is where the core of the work has to begin, my body will absolutely tell me what it thinks of running this heavy (with body fat) with likely feedback in the form of injury. To tackle the issue I tried the old approaches only to come to realise that I had to smarten them up. How? Well with some specific inside work on my brain itself - I had a lobotomy - I got some Headspace.

What is that?
Headspace is a system / app / technique for mindful mediation in a busy life{1}. It sits on my phone and I tap the app once a day to follow a series of 20 minute meditations{2} led by one of the founders of the company, a former Buddhist monk and circus arts graduate, Andy Puddicombe. Web search either the app or Andy and you will easily find / read a quite unique origin story to Headspace from multiple sources and outlets.

This time I am using mindfulness to recognise and be comfortable with my thoughts around eating. Looking to be more aware of what and when I put things in my mouth. No, it is not a diet app and I am not aware of any packs (series of sessions) on nutrition / eating specifically, I am simply using it to remind myself to be present in the moment and monitor my reactions to my habits. In fact I have had the app for a long time on my phone and revisited it periodically to try and form a habit of doing it (I had a PB of around 7-8 consecutive sessions), always seeing benefits but not managing for a string of 'reasons' to stick with it.

Thus far I have set a PB for sessions days completed (not that it is ever about notches on a post) and found that being generally more mindful has indeed benefited my eating... it has been several days since a chocolate binge (or similar). It isn't fitness work in the mechanics of running sense but in every other sense it is absolutely about fitness - fitness of my grey matter, fitness of my habits, fitness of my nutrition. Long may it continue, as 'doing the inside work' really should be at the foundation of most endeavours. Getting out of your own way is often the key to getting started. The balance that I am beginning to pull together (I have much still to do), is the base upon which I look to build good things.


{1} nothing in this aside about the Headspace app was inspired by anything other than my own meandering experiences, trust me a search for info on them will quickly show you that they don't particularly need my endorsement.
{2} the entry to Headspace is via 10 free 10 minute sessions, so don't let the sound of 20 minutes put you off trying it.

Footnote...
Somewhat coincidently Andy tweeted this on his twitter account a few hours after my post, and got me thinking about the tone of my original post. I was not in any way implying that I was using the app to become something I wish to be. The purpose of the meditations I tried to explain here are to simply be more aware of my thoughts through any given day and observe how they are impacting my choices and decisions around food. Basically noting the noisy habitual clutter of busy thinking that I am in the habit of using to shroud and ignore in the moment day-to-day choices. I am clearly not quite skilled enough to describe quite what I am getting out of mindfulness practice, but please don't let me put you off of your own discovery experience...

	Andy Puddicombe (@andypuddicombe)
17/04/2016, 20:01 Headspace: less about projecting who we wish we were, and more about becoming comfortable with who we are. #mindfulness

First bike ride in ages with a long way to go

This morning I actually got around to getting my stuff together and getting on my bike for the commute to work. It was so overdue, and in fact so revealing... it was not comfortable! I have always been someone who enjoyed just jumping on a bike, but this morning I found that the combination of my grumbling back, my utter lack of base fitness, and a overly heavy back pack just didn't make for much fun at all.

By Alex E. Proimos - http://www.flickr.com/photos/proimos/4199675334/, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=22535544

Rome allegedly wasn't built in a day, which I am glad about because whilst I may not quite be the size of an nascent ancient city I clearly have a lot of ground work to do. The size of my current task is dawning on me in the form of a huge smack around the face this week.